Draper National Enduro Demo ride. Gas Gas and Sherco Models.

A little bit delayed demo review of the Gas Gas and Sherco models that were at the Draper National Enduro. I’ve done a write up and video previously for the KTM models that were there as well, you can find that here: http://okiegoon.com/wordpress/?p=67

I had the pleasure to ride 4 different demo bikes a GasGas 200, GasGas 300, Sherco 250, and Sherco 300 4 stroke model. Being that it is a demo mostly this is a general review of the bikes and engine as suspension and levers and other things of course are not going to be dialed in for me personally. Dream job would be able to spend some serious time on the machines and write up a big review on them, but that’s more stuff you get to do if you’re employed by a magazine or something, so if anyone knows any jobs open like that for a newbie dirt rider keep me in mind. Thanks!

Test ride video, yes I should probably mic my helmet as I talk about the bikes some while riding but with the chest mount it’s hard to hear what I’m saying. Moving to chin mount though so should be much more audible going forward. Anyhow, the ride vid.

On to the bikes. One thing I can say about all of these bikes is that you can definitely tell that they were made for enduro/woods riding. Amazingly so. Each of the bikes I rode just begged for a good rocky hill climb, some tight single track, or some general gnar to ride through so they could show off. I think in the woods with a proper setup, these bikes would SHINE. And not that they were bad at all, but the wide open grass track just didn’t really do them the justice they deserved.

Gas Gas 200. This bike was definitely fun, and being a 2 stroke definitely had some good snap to it. This bike is going to chug you up the hills and waste no time getting on the pipe. Definitely a woods machine. Light, easy to throw into corners. Seemed to flatten out a bit once it got higher in the revs but not by a huge ton. And as stated before this bikes home is in the gnar, not a wide open grass track.

Gas Gas 300. This bike had actually come back from a moto magazine test just recently so it was set up a bit different. They had the suspension setup STIFF which again, you can’t really judge a demo ride on that. The bike had a good feel to it but was definitely not a favorite. Thinking it could probably have used a freshen up on the engine as it just didn’t feel as crisp and dragged a bit, for me at least. Again on a short 1 mile grass track loop you’re not going to get a lot of information from the bike as well as it had just come back from a magazine test ride where I’m sure it had been rode hard and put up wet. So with all factors considered, I didn’t care for the demo bike, but that’s not saying that a fresh one wouldn’t wow me, this bikes been through a lot.

Luckily I was up early, the line was small but once I had ridden all the bikes at the demo day, lines were getting much longer. Also the guy on the left is wearing the EXACT same jersey and pants I was wearing. So embarrassing, I wasn’t the prettiest at the enduro damnit!

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Sherco 250. This bike. THIS BIKE. This was the wow factor bike for me. The 250 comes with e-start and an aggressive/soft switch that you can switch back and forth between modes on the fly as needed. For this bike pretty much from when I started it up, I liked it. Nice grunt, good mid range, crisp throttle, just awesome. My only complaint was that this bike from the very start BEGGED for some single track. Some Gnar. The thought in my head the whole time I was riding the 250 was how awesome it would be in the single track/difficult stuff. Seriously, this bike was awesome and just riding it you could tell it was just MADE for woods riding. Awesome bike and definitely my favorite out of the bunch.

Sherco 300. 4 stroke: The 300cc+ 4 strokes have definitely been coming into play more and more lately. Husky 310. KTM350. Also the bike in question the Sherco 300. Personally, I haven’t been too much of a fan of 4 strokes. That is all my opinion though, having started out and primarily ridden 2 strokes, the 4 strokes just seem lunky and heavy to me vs. the light and snappy of a 2 stroke. Again that’s just my opinion and does not reflect on the actual bike itself. The Sherco 300 was a very nice ride. It has the aggressive and soft map switch that you can swap on the fly like the 250. The power is very smooth and predictable as well as the bike itself feels very planted in corners. All in all definitely a good bike and I can see it being a serious contender in the 300cc market. Also as the other bikes, this one definitely was begging for some rocks/hills/gnar to be tested on, the low end torque was nice and my thoughts would be even if you botched the approach on a hill climb this one is going to chug you right up it no problem. Definitely a bike I would recommend for someone looking for a 4t in the 300cc range.

Constant flow of bikes going in and coming out, all day. Some bros heading out and some waiting for the next ride at the Sherco truck.

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Much thanks to Fred Overstreet for bringing out the bikes and setting up the demo, it was great getting to ride a bunch of different machines and get a feel for them all. For more information on Gas Gas and Sherco models you can contact Fred at:

Fred Overstreet
F&M Powersports
11067 N Hwy 59
Gravette, AR 72736
 

KTM Demo rides, review post.

This past weekend(10/19/2013) the National Enduro was held at Crosstimbers/Draper riding area in OKC. I wasn’t going to race but I had heard about DEMO RIDES!!! KTM, Sherco, and Gas Gas would be bringing bikes for anyone to come and test ride. This, I had to do. My friend Jon already had his toy hauler there, so in order to be first in line for the demo rides I packed up the truck right after work and headed to OKC. As with any venture, it was not without some adventure. First of which was missing my turn and driving around in the hood by downtown OKC for 20 minutes.

After finding my way back to the highway and making it to the toy hauler, it was home sweet home time. That was until I tried to start the generator so I could have heat, lights, and electricity. It would crank up for roughly 3 seconds then turn off. After much trouble shooting and talking with Jon he decided to go ahead and come on out. I had already resigned myself to it just being a really really cold night and deal with it and was putting back beers because, yeah what else was I going to do.

Jon arrived around 12:30 and we got to work on generator. Much cussing, many things tried, much beer and rum and coke was drank, and we finally just gave up and let the heater run off the batteries. As moto bros are want to do, we stayed up even later talking and drinking and before we knew it, 5am was here. Whoo! Jon had to be in a wedding the next day, super good times for him.

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Wakey wakey! Hangover and head achey! Yeah we were up at 9:00am with Jon bailing out the door to get his tux on and go to a wedding. I debating going back to my bunk but opted out on that and figured the demo bikes were out, let’s get on it and ride! Even though I realllly didn’t feel like it. That all goes away though once you throw a leg over.

So let’s get down to the nitty gritty. I rode 7 different KTM’s, 2 of them twice, the 250XC-W and the 250XCF-W as those are the ones I’m currently thinking about buying. Anyhow, let’s get on with the reviews.

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*disclaimer* Demo rides are great but honestly you can only take away so much from them. With the 2 strokes you can completely change the way the bike feels with jetting and adjusting the power valve. Also there’s suspension, it’s going to be base and not set up for you so you can’t really go off that either. Mostly just keep that in mind and ride and see how you like them.

The course was about a mile long open grass track with one little dip into 1 single track turn. It was really fun but I wish they would have tossed about a half a mile of true single track in there so you could get a feel for the bikes in the tight stuff. That’s pretty much my only complaint.

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KTM 200XC-W: Coming from a 2004 200EXC this was my home turf, the 200. The 2014 model definitely feels lighter than mine, also it doesn’t feel like it has as much PUNCH when it gets on the pipe, mine is much more “whoa hang on” than the 2014. I was thinking I was dog slow on it, but after reviewing the video I actually think that was the bike I was fastest on. Fun bike, definitely peaky as 200’s normally are, and light. I liked it.

KTM250XC-W: This bike I’ve been thinking about putting in my shopping cart for a bit now. Either this or it’s bigger brother the 250XC. So it was my “bonus ride” so I could ride it twice. It was pretty much everything I expected. Little bit heavier than the 200 and more grunt in the mid range. Definitely dig this one for sure.

KTM300XC-W: This bike. This bike was amazing. I was unprepared. It had power everywhere, could hardly keep the front wheel on the ground. It was just a complete and absolute beast on everything. Didn’t feel heavy like a 4 stroke either but put the power down like WHOA. Hands down my favorite one that I rode that day. Amazing machine.

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Now to the four strokes. I’m not a 4 stroke fan really, but hey they’re there and I’m gonna ride em damnit. Actually in debate on the 250 2 stroke vs. 4 stroke honestly.

KTM250XCF-W: Very nice bike, felt light, had good throttle response. I have to say though, definitely doesn’t have the punch that the 250XCF does, which is understandable. Good to ride it though as I know if I end up going 4 stroke it will probably be the KTM250XCF and will skip the XCF-W. Fun to ride.

KTM350XCF-W: This one was an utter disappointment. I’ve heard really good things about them but it just felt gutless. Lack of torque, and just yeah didn’t really have any excitement factor for me. Definitely felt planted and solid, but the power of it was very underwhelming.

KTM450XCF-W: This one kind of blew my mind. I was expecting to hate it. Stupid heavy dumb 4 stroke, yuck! But honestly this one came in right behind the 300 2 stroke for fun factor. It just felt soooo planted in turns. Good throttle response, tons of torque, and again just planted in turns and pinning it on the straights. Definitely second favorite.

KTM500XCF-W: Yep. Much like my buddies KTM500 this thing was a tractor heavy lug about. It was better than Noel’s as Noel has the street legal model so maybe that adds some weight. But this one while having tons of power and torque was just a little bit better than the 350. I wasn’t a fan.

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So that’s the reviews. My basic newbie take on the various 2014’s that were available. Again, you can’t really judge them too harshly because a lot of things that you can change on them can make them completely fit you perfectly. So it’s ust to get a basic feel for them. Very happy I was able to come out and ride them, had a great great time. I also rode the Sherco’s and the Gas Gas models but figured I would keep this post and Video to Just KTM’s. Video of demo rides below. Enjoy!!!

My punch card:

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And finally, the eats!!

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Good times!

 

OHSCS Final Round points standings!

LET’S GET READY TO RUMMMMBBLLLEEEE!!!

OHSCS final round this weekend at Stillwater!!! Last chance for those running behind in points to STEP UP THAT GAME, TWIST THAT THROTTLE, AND LET IT ALL HANG OUT. Let’s take a look at the points spread shall we?

Expert: Currently Joiner leading the field by 21 points over Brendan Clark. Joiner has not placed lower than 2nd in any race this year that he has been in. Tall order for Clark to get the overall being 21 points behind, but stranger things have happened. Trailing Clark by 10 points is Russell Pereira. Both Clark and Pereira have had good showings with both getting on the podium 3 times with Pereira having a win on one of those podiums. These two will be the ones to watch out for, fighting for the 2nd place overall.

Intermediate: Congrats to Steven Loftin! Leading by 44 points he doesn’t even have to show up and still gets the overall. The real race for this weekend will be between Barren Gambel and Mike Drury with just 5 points separating them to take the coveted 2nd overall spot. Looking at finish positions these two have been running close together all year long with neither one of them finishing more than 3 places higher than the other except for one race. Dark horse in this battle will be Marty Smith, who is only 13 points away from taking the 2nd spot. Expect very tight racing from these three the entire race. Grip it and rip it boys!

Amateur: First place, and only FOUR POINTS separating Spencer Prough and Spencer Sanders. FOUR MEASLEY POINTS FOR ALL THE MARBLES. This one should go down to the wire as previous races Spencer and Spencer(you guys should team up and race team a few times next year, I just gave you your team name, just saying) have finished very close to each other it’s obvious these guys are evenly matched. One little mistake could cost you the first place overall as well, so be safe, be fast, and may the best Spencer win! Oh, and no pressure.

30+: Congrats to Jason Owens, who currently has the overall without having to show up leading by 26 points. For second and third place Blain Tollefson currently leads Aaron Martin by 8 points. Looking through scores these two have been finishing VERY close together all year with it being a coin toss on who’s coming out on top. This could turn into a hell of a race as well for that 2nd overall spot!

40+: Congrats to Craig Chapman, taking the overall for 40+ with a 31 point lead going into last round. For second place, much like AM, you have a battle of the Johns, with Bestland leading Morrow by 13 points. Looking over the finishing positions, going to be another good round of racing with these two! Very evenly matched. Let the battle of the John’s BEGIN!!!

50+: Will not disappoint either! Looks like it’s Jeff Ausmus leading Mike Parrish by 9 points! Going over the scores, they have been neck and neck every race almost, both of them finishing either right behind or right in front of the other. Extra tight racing on this one. On bottle neck. One drop. Could send the other off to the winners circle and the overall win for the year!

Open Team: Currently led by Team Yamaha/Polaris of STW, they are only 12 points in front Team Ride Naked Racing who have won the past 6 races in a row! This one is far from done and it will be up to Team Yamaha/Polaris of Stillwater to defend their position on their home turf!

Trail riders: Congrats to Jeremy Kirk, coming into the last round leading by 28 points!!! Overall winner for trail riders. The 2nd and 3rd place positions are where the racing is going to take place for this race. Isaac Overstreet leading Derek Root by JUST 5 POINTS for second overall. The past few races they have been finishing very very close together as well. These two will be the ones to watch as they duke it out for 2nd overall. Trail riders might only race 1.5 hours, consist of mostly newer racers/riders but the competition is as fierce as any other class in the series!

Good luck to everyone on Sunday, have a great race, be safe, and let’s GET IT ON!!!

All photos were taken by Andy Seay, from the previous Skiatook round. You can access them by “clicking here”.

 

Stillwater 500, 04-08-2012

Gary: I want to be on the road by 7:30.

Silver: 7:30!? Are you crazy!!!!!

But on the road at 7:15 we were. Heading to the Stillwater 500 trails for my first time out there. It had rained overnight so we weren’t sure how muddy everything was going to be but we were going anyway. Some texts with Noel and Cliff led to them skipping out as well. Noel to do yard work and Cliff to go fishing with a “Yeah, I’ll go fishing, don’t need any red mud today”. Also to add insult to injury Gary not only made me get up before the sun came up on a weekend but also made me listen to country music the whole way down there and most of the way back. ARG!

Heading out.

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We were actually the first ones to arrive at Stillwater that morning. Pulled back into the back by the track and unloaded. It had rained overnight so it was muddy but wasn’t bad enough to not go ride. While we were gearing up Adam and Kelsey pulled up. Both KTM 2smoke riders so of course they were super super cool. Also nice small world we live in they both know Cliff which was pretty cool.

Adam and Kelsey.

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After talking bike talk and trail talk for a while Gary and I head out and I’m on the Stillwater red mud for the first time. Now, my previous dealings
with mud haven’t turned out the best so I was riding like a Harley rider on a curvy road. REALLY REALLY SLOW. Also first time on the trail too so I had no idea what to expect. Blue trail was really fun and I bet it’s even better when it’s not muddy. My first biff and tumble came not from the mud but from a steep downhill that mid-way through had a 2 foot or so drop off. The drop off gonked out my right foot so it wasn’t over the brake anymore and I couldn’t slow down and then I met my other nemesis “the tree that likes to hit my left hand bar end” which sent me in a small tumble down the hill. Mud adds some serious pounds to your bike, but got it back up and started and caught back up to Gary who was waiting on me.

Now my second biff did come from the mud, but mostly my fault. Gary had stopped off to the right and I didn’t see him until I passed him, I had taken a different route to avoid a sizable water/mud hole and once I saw him I stopped. Instead of going back through the dry part I said “Eh, just go for it” and went through the mud hole I just avoided which I entered at an angle and it spun me one way and spun me the other and I ended up on the other side with the bike spun around and on its side and me on the ground with Gary going “Where’s the go pro when you need it?!”

After my tree biff and mud biff.

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The gonky mud hole I spun out and went all whoops on.

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We took a break at the mud hole for a bit and Adam cruised by us on his first loop as well. Back on trail we stopped a bit ahead and Gary showing me an exit point to get to the road in case I got lost or anything happened. I think we were on mile 4 or so by now. Kelsey shows up a bit later and we talk a bit about the mud/trail and whatnot, she asks us if we mind if she rides with us for a bit. Not a problem, and we all head out. When Gary takes off back on trail Kelsey motions me to go ahead of her, hahahahaha, noway and I shoo her on ahead. I’m slow and new and it’s MUD we’re riding on, I didn’t want to be slowing anyone up. I’m sure Gary was glad for the riding company as well seeing as how I was probably 50 yards behind them most of the way tip toeing through mud puddles and slick spots as if they were going to swallow me whole if I tried to apply any throttle through them. Well except I caught up to them for Gary’s biff off roughly a 3 foot drop, guess it was a good one. Of course I said “Where’s the go pro when you need it!” heh.

We finish our loop and I won because they took the rest of the blue trail and I took the road and got back to the trucks first SO I WIN OK. One of the funny moments was when talking with Adam and Kelsey she is thinking she’s probably going to move up to a 200 or 250 XC here soon. I tell her that’s she’s more than welcome to ride mine around for a bit and she advises “Well I don’t want to crash it” this was of course after I had informed them of my two meetings with the tree and the mud hole and Adam tells Kelsey “Go ahead, sounds like he’s already crashed it a few times today” which was true lol.

Kelsey rides it for a bit, likes it, I think I got a “Whoa that’s weird” about the rekluse clutch on it, which actually is kinda weird when you first ride around with it. After that Kelsey takes off on Adam’s 300 and tells Adam to catch up to her on her 150. Gary and I are geared back up and head out as well. This time instead of bombing down the 2 foot drop hill and smacking a tree I stop and assess the situation and find that on the right is a no 2 foot drop downhill and take that. Then I catch up to Gary, Adam, and Kelsey. Bummer though because I caught up to them because Adam’s bike died and wouldn’t start back up.

Where we ended up at.

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Adams bike off to the right. Luckily we were right by the road and Gary helped Adam get the 150 through the riverbed leading to it and up the steep part so that he could get on the road and go get the truck. We hang out and chat a bit and Kelsey calls Adam and finds out he’s on his way back with the trailer. Kelsey grabs the 300 and starts pushing it through the ditch and Gary and I are following here. Haha this is where Gary goes “This is when we need the camera, 2 guys following the girl pushing the dirtbike through the creek. We help with the bike over a few logs and then up the hill to the road. Adam and Kelsey thank us for the help but really no big deal. 4 people pushing a bike out of the woods is much easier than 2, and it also builds rider karma hanging out to help other riders.

Gary and I hang out and snack for a bit as the rain gets worse.

Photo time!

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We decide to head back and see how the trails are and if they’re too nasty then we’ll pack up and bail. Trails were extra mucked with the rain. Got to around the 3.5/4 mile mark and got to the road exit and headed back to the trucks.
When we get back to the truck we find that Adam has gotten the 300 back up and running and they are heading back out. Gary and I are pretty much done for the day and pack it up then head into Stillwater for Palaminos.

Quick picture before that though.

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Good times! Now, like I said we went to a restaurant named Palamenos or however you spell it authentic Mexican. Pretty sure that this will become our ritual stop after riding Stillwater from now on. Food was AWESOME. Pictures? No I didn’t take any.

HAHA yeah right.

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And finally, the end shot. Lots and lots of red mud. I think I washed about 20 pounds of it off into my front yard.

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Was a really really fun day. Definitely want to go back, we’ll just let it dry up a bit though.

Cheers!

 

The Rant Archives. This was where it all started.

Hello, and welcome to Tollsa.

For some reason, the higher up’s in Tollsa are obsessed with Toll roads. I mean wow, how many tolls do we have to have? As far as I know, you cannot get into Tulsa from out of town with out paying a toll. I know, if I go out to my parents house, with the new toll road, I pay, 30cents to get on by my house, 75cents at the new toll road, and another 30 cents to get off the highway by my parents house. THATS MORE THEN I PAID FOR THE GAS GETTING OUT THERE.

At first I thought that they would be taking off the tolls when the roads were paid for. Well as far as I know, they have been paid for about 4-5 times over, and the tolls have increased in price. How cool is that? Seeing as how they have increased the tolls, and added more, I have figured out their  plan. Now, normally one would not see this plan, as it is very well hidden. I actually would not have seen it if I had not had many years of training(3 days) in binary and hex. Tulsa is getting ready to defect. It is forming an effective wall around itself via toll roads. Pike passes are our keys to the city. The Toll roads our boundarys. Pretty soon, I figure the tolls will hike up again, and the first steps of “Piss off we have an aquarium now” plan will begin.

They wish to become their own country. We will be the republic Tollsa, impervios to invasion as our tolls will be so high and we will have so many, it would take them billions of dollars to invade our humble country and take over our aquarium, because of our toll road system. So there you have it. We will soon be our own country, we have an aquarium, phase 3 is underway.

I have not been able to find out as of yet, if we will be a dictatorship, but I imagine we will probably have a king lotoftolls that will reign over us. We will also have tariffs on all our products, we will legalize gambling, and become a tourist country. It’s all part of the master plan. ALL HAIL THE KING OF TOLLS, THE EMPORER HAS NEW SHOES!

Today, we need to talk about pet peeves. Let it be the word for the day. What kind of pet peeves do you have? Hey, I’ll start.

1. THE EXPRESS LANE IS 15 MAXIMUM ITEMS, NOT 20, NOT 18, NOT EVEN 16!! 15 ITEMS, DO YOU SPEAK IT. This has actually just recently become my #1 pet peeve. As before I always had a QT or git-n-go by my house, so I never had to worry about no stupid express lane. As of now, I live at 81st and Yale, all I have is Albertsons, they have express lanes, the express lanes are abused daily and it angers me to no end. Almost everytime I have to go to Albertsons to pick up maximum of 10 items, some retard likes to butt in with 25 items. Yes I count them, to make sure they are under 15 items, they never are.

They are lucky I am such a nice guy, as more then a few times I have played out in my head what should be done to these types of people. Just like in the movies, I would grab their little tote basket with 23.2 items(individual grapes only count as one thing) toss the little blue basket high in the air while grabbing the shirt of the express lane offender, I would then show him the express lane sign and inquire as to his reading abilitys, then I would take him to the scattered pile of his items and make him count them out for me. As he gets to 16, I yell.. THATS TOO MANY ITEMS, for every item over 15. Then I get appluaded by everyone in albertsons, and the manager gives me my 5 items consisting of smokes, dr. pepper, celery, bread, and sausage links, for free. I also get a 5 time go through the express lane with more then 15 items card, which I tear up in front of all the customers saying “THE EXPRESS LANE IS FOR 15 ITEMS ONLY, NO STINKING CARD CAN CHANGE THAT FACT!”  Then I actually get out of my daydream long enough to check out.  Oh, if I could only have it my way.

2. THE FREAKING SQUEEZE THE TOMATOE LADY! Why, on gods green earth, would you have the need to fondle EVERY TOMATOE IN THE BIN? I mean c’mon! Its a good thing I do not like tomatoes as after seeing these women(and sometimes men) fondle and caress and squeeze tomatoes, cantaloupes, peaches, and kiwis, it makes me glad that I normally only eat out and/or eat frozen pizzas. What? Thats not that healthy you say? Well neither is buying fruit that has been handled by members of FFA(Fruit Fondelers Anonymose). Same thing with eggs. People check every egg in the carton, lemme give you a tip, open the carton if you see egg goo, one is broke, if you do not see egg goo, they are all probably ok.

3. Milk maids. Yep, going all the way to the back of the freezer to get the one milk that you believe will expire in 2004 will really help, even though your three hellspawn offspring(who just broke another jar of mayo) will drink it down in 3 days, tops. Its really a good thing that you got milk that would be good for 2 years.

I guess the theme for today, would be in the supermarket pet peeves, not just pet peeves. So carry on, if you wish to voice your pet peeve of the supermarket, hit reply all up top, so everyone can see it not just me. Possibly we can form a super secret commitee to stop the supermarket injustice. Setting up elite super market stations for fighting this evil. We could put them under the guise of the sample boothes. *kkrrrch* Roger wilco, we got a tomatoe squeezer on 2, repeat tomatoe squeezer on 2, bring in the random flatulence guy to drive her away. *krrch*

Hey, it could happen.

ITS FAIR TIME!!

Now is the time for the Tulsa State Fair. A glamourous event that brings all walks of life, from the west side, to the east side, from the north side, yes, even the south side. My tentative schedule at the fair consists of…

1. Beer.
2. Gyro.
3. Beer, Beer.
4. Corn Dog.
5. Beer, beer, beer.
6. Possibly a slice of pizza.
7. Beer, beer, beer, beer.
8. A walk by the AA both to preach about how you should never be a quitter.(ok, slur at them, not preach)
9. Beer.
10. Hamburger.
11. Back to my friends house, he lives off pittsburg. We all sit on his porch and watch people leave.
12. Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, passout.

You are garunteed to see a wide variety of people at the fair. Such as…

1. Mullets, a whole multitude of mullets. Female mullets, male mullets, children mullets. Why this hairstyle has hung on as it has, I have no clue. So if you get bored while at the fair, plz partake in the mullet hunt and see how many you can count. If its less then 10 in 30 minutes, your not trying hard enough.

2. Carnies. Wow, what all can you say about carnies. Some have teeth, others only have 2, and there are those that have none. Always willing to show you how easy their rigged games are, and the ones at the pool table games will gamble with you sometimes. They will cajole your entire earnings away from you, if you take the bait. Keep only about 5 dollars free for games, the rest, spend on beer and food. Either way you look at it you’re spending your money on crap.

3. Look for a large crowd, letting loose with random cheers. This will be the lair of bobo/bozo the clown. DO NOT THROW BALLS FOR THE CLOWN! I cannot stress this enough. Stay for a few minutes, and watch as he advises people of their site disability, their style sense, their parents toupee, it is sometimes ruthless. My tale comes as a freind decided to throw balls for bobo, he didn’t want to be the only one ripped to shreds, so he decided to enlist me to throw as well. 3 balls, for 1 dollar lasts about 30 seconds. The humiliation lasts for about 30 minutes though. I was told I was from california, asked if I could loan my glasses to him so he could use them like a magnifying glass and kill ants. I hit the bell thingy, but I was going for accuracy not strength, so it clanged, but it didn’t send him in the drink. Yeah, that sucked.

Security runs high at the fair, and for good reason. There are bound to be a few fites, from the drunk rednecks arguing about which stock car driver is the best. To the gangsta’s arguing about whos corner is whos to sell crack on. As well as the various teenagers from rival high schools. Yes tension is sometimes high at the fair. I normally just kick back, drink my beer and take it all in.

Oh yes, most of the rides = yuck, not much fun unless you want to throw up. Now the expensive rides, are a totally different story. If they have the ejection seat, I highly recommend it. Its a steel ball, with 2 seats tied to 2 bungee cords. You are pulled down to ground level, sat in the chair, and then realised into oblivion. This, is great fun because you go real high real fast. The adrenaline high that you will recieve from this ride, should last you about an hour.

Ah yes, the fair is a truly wonderful time, full of excitement, food, and most importantly beer. If you goto the fair, have fun, be safe, and try a corn dog.

The fair aftermath.

Well Ladies and gentlemen, for me, this weekend was all about the fair. From its gyros, to its corndogs, to the 32oz beerz, the fair was in full force. Most of the time, you just go and eat and go home, this year I learned a few things.

1. Is that the creepy midway games are now 2 dollars. What ever happened to the 1 dollar games, I mean I know inflation sucks and all, but my god. Quite possibly, these prices have been this high for quite some time, I just never noticed. Everyone seems to accept this though, as I saw many a mark being seperated from his/her 2 dollars. The fair loves a drunk, especially a drunk that is going to spend 2 dollars to try and climb up some rickety ladder. Sweet jesus, earn some balance you retards. I mean I saw people trying to climb on this thing, DID NOT EVEN MAKE IT PAST THE FIRST RUNG. Now, I can see that it is difficult, I can see that once you get kind of high up, its rickety, but please make it past the first rung. It’s just like the first step, and the go *step* *wiggle* *fall* *giggle*. Seeing this, I believe I actually shed a tear. Poor poor drunk people.

2. Turkey legs Turkey legs Turkey legs. I remember, when there was only one stand that sold turkey legs, it took 2 hours to get to the front of the line, and it was the only place in the whole fair with turkey legs. I feel it makes you enjoy more, it’s a worth the wait type of thing. This year, Turkey legs EVERYWHERE. Someone finally caught on and opened more then one turkey leg booth, too bad 27 others also caught on, and opened their own turkey leg booths. Yes, this year, the Turkey leg competition was fierce. I got a corn dog.

3. They need a layout for the fair, that they will use from here until eternity. I mean, my booze addled brain cannot come to terms with the fact that bobo the clown is not in the exact same spot as last year. It took me 3 drunken hours to find him last year, and this year they move him? What the hell. So I propose that they get a layout and NEVER CHANGE IT AGAIN. So as not to confuse the drunks. Never did find bobo this year.

4. More fair fun. Go by yourself, or with only one other person. If you want to do anything that you actually want to do. Now having friends come is nice, and everyone has a good time, but things get confusing. You have to keep track of the group, stop 15000 times for bathroom breaks, beer refills, this person wants one thing, this one wants another. Alot of needless walking ensues, due to going in a group. As well as you can’t just take off and go do your own thing when you want to, you always have to consider the group. My advice to you, again, go alone, or just take one person. It will be immensly more enjoyable. Save the group gatherings for the bar.

Yeah, ate alot, got real drunk and had a good time. Even though I never did find bobo.

Our world of automated responses.

When we first hear the chime “caller” or other message, we run through our line of hello how can I help you, normally we are greeted with “Hi, I’m monica hampsher and I am from the office in watunga new mexico employee #555332 my measurements include 36,24,36 and I like skiing, hiking, moonlite nights, and turkey sausage”. Why, in the hell, would I need all of this information? Its an automated response, we have the EU’s trained so far, to rattle off at the start of the call any information that they might think is relevant in order to help us do our jobs.

Even though we don’t care, they will provide any information that we desire, because we are tech support, we are the rulers of their world of computer talk and help, we are the ones who will fix their caps lock issues, we will explain the delicate intricacys of ISP things and how to get to the free online casino. As far as they know, we rule the interweb, we control it, and if they are not nice and do not provide any information whatsoever, we might just turn off the internet. Then how would they get their tech support?

Other information that is an automated response, that we really never ever need…

Tech: Can I get your username for the tunnel please?
Eu: Gator64.
Tech: Urm, thats your password WHICH YOU SHOULD NEVER TELL ANYONE, NOT EVEN ME, Or they will turn off your internet.
Eu: Oh noes! Sorry about that, the username is iamnotsmart.
Tech: Thanks.

Tech: Can I get your area code?
Eu: 74136
Tech: Thats your area code????
Eu: Uhhhhhhhh(Drooling sounds *drip*)
Tech: I need your AR-E-A CO-DE.
Eu: Oh, 918.

Also I like when they make jokes, really dumb jokes. I wonder if it is in our contract to give a courtesy laugh to these, such as the call I just received…

Tech: Hi thanks for calling, how can I help you?
Eu: Hi this is John, I’m from San Antonio, and I like socks, toga partys, and cleaning the kitchen when its really really dirty.
Tech: ooookay, how can I help you today?
Eu: Well I’m trying to get into this program thingy, I have a dell attitude(signifigant pause waiting for me to laugh. I don’t laugh) sooooo, its [program] and my manager has to approve it or something.
Tech: Its ok, here we are the helpdesk and we are immune to your stupid jokes, I will now transfer you to the other help desk and maybe one of their technological black holes will laugh at your joke, as well as help you with [program], thank you.

I like ice cream and apple pie too.

I am late. Always.

Every since I was little, I have been late. Late to school, late to work, late to just about everything imaginable. I still am. Now I have developed a theory though, and I believe it works out rather well.

In July of 1972, my mother was due to have a child(me). July passed, and my mother figured that this was not a baby that she had, but probably some glandular disorder and she would be like this forever, what a bummer. Later on, she would figure out, that she really was pregnant(with me) and actually produce a shiny bright red baby boy. I was a month late. The doctors advised that I was all super red due to “being in the oven too long” I don’t think my mom laughed at that joke. Due to the cimcumstances.

So every since that time, I have been trying to regain that month back. It started with school, 8:00 am was way way to early for me to even consider wanting to goto school. Nevermind that I was up with no problem at 6:00 am saturdays to watch cartoons, my monday through friday consisted of “JASON, GET OUT OF BED NOW AND GET READY FOR SCHOOL, YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE!” for all of my school days I believe.

Let’s continue. Well ole Jason goes out and gets himself a job. Yeah, I do good for the first few months, then it sets in. The need for lateness. Believe me, I do not try to be late, I try to be ontime. It never helps. I can get up at 6:00 in the morning, to be here by 10:00, I would still be late. It’s something I cannot help, and just try to accept. As I get older, I find it easier to be on time, maybe I am almost caught up to my month of lateness. Or not. If I have to be here at 7, I will arrive at 7:05. If I have to be here at 9:30, I will arrive at (9:38), and so on and so forth. I am always late.

All my friends, when we make plans, will tell me to meet them about an hour before hand, as they know I will be late. It’s just par for the course. Possibly someday I will finally catch up, and my tardiness will be resolved. For now though, I am in an endless loop of tardy. Under a spell of lateness that I am slowly trying to break. With any luck, it will all come out with a big boom, and tardiness shall be erased from my life forever. Or not.

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An EU’s morning.

In the midst of all this dark, one of my 4 brain cells kicks to life, wondering what that infernal noise is. It takes a bit to register but I figure out that it would be coming from my alarm clock, which is now cranking out brittney spears tunes at a volume so high my cats ears are bleeding. I like Brittney, and she is cute, whoooo. After turning off the alarm, I  take careful measures to avoid the puddle of drool that I have left on my pillow, I should really invest in rubber pillow cases. Oof, it doesn’t smell that good at all, I probably should have brushed my teeth.

Ok I am up an at em, ready to log into the microsoft and get my e:mails. Aww jeez, my computer is so slow, I wonder when they are going to give us new computers. Well, I got time to make some coffee, hehe I could probably make coffee and drink the whole pot because its soooo slow haha, I am the king of wit. Whoooo shiny things, pretty, oh those are spoons. What am I doing? Oh yeah, coffee, my computer is slow.

Ok, coffee is on, oh look a password box. Windows log on, whats my password for this… oh I remember its 2 because thats how many toes I have after that weed eater accident. Wow its still sooo slow, its like molassas, haha I crack myself up.hhuuurrkk(this sound is followed by about 5 minutes of glazed over eyes and drooling). Oh yeah, I’m getting my e:mails. Ok, lets get into qwest. Yay, its connecting automatically, I’m connected. Ok now lets try to get into outlook. What? Exchange server not available!! I NEED MY E:MAIL, awww man those slackers at tech support turned off the internet on me, jeez.

Going to have to call tech support now.

ring ring

Tech: Hi, thank you for calling the Help desk my name is Jason. How can I help you today.
Eu: YOU GUYS TURNED OFF THE MICROSOFT AND I CANNOT GET E:MAIL!
Tech: I’m sorry, what seems to be your issue?
Eu: I get up this morning and now my outlookinternet is not working, are you guys having problems?
Tech: No sir, not that I know of, can I get the exact error message that you are getting?
Eu: It don’t work.
Tech: “It don’t work” is the error message you are getting?
Eu:(sigh)grumble grumble, so many things to remember, gosh all these passwords, it says could not access your exchanger serviscer.
Tech: Ok sir, are you on the dialer and VPN at this time?
Eu: I’m on dialer, thats all I need right??
Tech: No sir, you need to be on your VPN as well.
Eu: (brain cells desparatly trying to grasp what the tech is talking about, OVERLOAD, OVERLOAD ABORT MISSION, GO WATCH CARTOOONS) Oh yeah, VPN. Where is that?
Tech: What? Its on your desktop, the VPN icon.
Eu: OH yeah ok that, why do we have to have so many passwords?? Its hard to remember, whooo shiny things…. oh thats just the power light.
Tech: Well sir, you work at a bank, if they made it easy to get into then everyone could get into it.
Eu: Oh, that makes sense.
Tech: I’m sure it doesn’t, but lie to me all you want about knowing what your talking about, thanks.(This was not the real reply.)
Eu: Ok thanks I will log into that.
Tech: OK have a nice day.

At this point, my brain cells shut down, the overload of information has sent me into a coma like state, one where I should probably be spoon feed oatmeal and shown bugs bunny reruns. This lasts for around 20 minutes, in which time I lose my connection to qwest.

Zuh? What was I doing?? Oh yeah, connect to the tunnel for microsoft webpage. Whats this?!?! Unknown host? This is crazy!!! THOSE DUMB TECHNICIANS FLIPPED THE SWITCH AGAIN I CANNOT GET INTO MY PROGRAMS!

Tech: Hi, thank you for calling the Help desk my name is Jason. How can I help you today.
Eu: HEY SMARTY MAN, I CAN’T GET INTO MY VPN!!
Tech: Oh hey, brain cells start firing again so you figured you would call back in?
Eu: Yep, now it will not let me into VPN!!
Tech: Whats the error message you are receiving?
Eu: (drool, critical synapses misfire, help needed) It don’t work.
Tech: Thats the error message?
Eu: yeah.
Tech: Sir, that cannot be the error message, read to me whats on your screen.
Eu: Oh, it says, tunnel trigati could not connect, unknown host.
Tech: Sir, are you connected to qwest?
Eu: OF COURSE I’M CONNECTED TO DIALER ITS RIGHT…. oh, I’m not connected to qwest.
Tech: Riiiiiiight, ok then buh bye now.

After hanging up, I notice a burning smell, this takes about 5 minutes to register as my brain cells are still aruguing about how to get back into qwest. Burning smell > Fire > smoke > probably a bad thing. I then notice that I left on the coffee pot and it has shorted out and caught fire. Whooooo pretty lights, oooo they flicker and stuff. DING DING, oh yeah, fire bad, run now get out. I grab my cell phone, pda, laptop, cup of coffee, some tape, a few bills, my checkbook, make a bowl of cereal, get out the card table and chair so I can sit on something and put my bowl of cereal on, and a hat. After going outside and setting everything up, I call the fire department. Oh shit, I forgot the cat. I bravely rush back inside and get fiffy saving her from the fire.The firemen when they got there advised that it was just the candle that I had lit. Sheesh, I really hate it when this happens. Stupid 4th time this freaking month. Firemen say they are going to charge me next time.

I now go sit in front of the tv, watch cartoons and drool. Until the next installment.

Farts.

Now on my way home for lunch today, I was visited by mr. car fart. Whoa, Car farts are not fun especially on hot days, as it seems to cook the said poot and turn it extra aromatic. Now, have you ever noticed that it always seems ok to smell your own farts. I mean cmon, you ate it now you have to smell it. They never really seem that bad, or at least mine smell like roses.

Now when someone else farts, be it loud, or silent and then they inform you about it. Most people will hold their nose, or make some other gesture of “I’m not smelling that”. What you do not see though, is that even if they are holding their nose, one nostril will remain somewhat open, in the sick desire to see if your fart actually compares with their own flatulence. Most of the time it does not, as your farts stink and mine still smell like roses. I’m sure you feel the same way.

The worst fart I have ever witnessed would have had to be at the old Tulsa Billiard Palace. I was skipping school(imagine that) with a friend, and we were playing pool. Someone, we never figured out who, let one go. Now I am hard pressed to put the magnitude of this fart into text. This was the single most horrifying smell I have ever encountered. More then a few nose hairs were burnt out of my nostrils, the assualt of the smell watered my eyes, and burnt the felt on the pool table. People cried, an evacuation was planned, in the end the horror lasted about 5 minutes, then I believe it escaped out the back door to freak out the neighborhood behind the palace. Never have I smelled such a thing, and I wish to never be revisted by what I can only describe as the WORST. BEERFART. EVER.

Now when out in public, sometimes you just gotta let go, I mean its fresh air, its windy, no one will notice. You squeeze one out, no one is the wiser, until you find out that it is following you. It stays with you like a black sheep follows the shepard. I hate those kinds.

Elevators, or other enclosed spaces. I personally live for a toot in the elevator. I like it when no one is in the elevator and you can let one go and then leave, knowing that the next person in will be repulsed/blamed for said offence. What fun.

All in all, its a body function that is found humorous by many, it just doesn’t always smell that great. Maybe my next update should be about boogers. Hrm.

 

GoonGap 2007

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Friday, 08-31-2007
Like all trips really, the day before is spent rushing around doing stuff that you procrastinated on through the whole week. Packing, getting stuff ready to go, grabbing the trailer, all that fun stuff. No pictures of me triple checking to make sure I don’t forget something stupid like my jacket, which last year I forgot. We get everything packed and get on the road about 10pm.

Saturday, 09-01-2007
First time to ever eat at a cracker barrel, it was uneventful. Although I did see the most perfect mullet I have ever seen ever, it was a thing of beauty. One of the things about the trip to the gap, the Cherahola skyway is totally insult to injury. Here you are, just having done roughly 12-14 hours worth of driving, now you have to drag a trailer through the skyway @ roughly 30-50 miles an hour. You’re almost there, but still so far away. Bryan and I stop before rolling the skyway at the best bbq place I’ve eaten at in TN/NC.

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Food pix
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Bryan chowin down.
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The ride up has some great views.
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Hour 14, I’m burnt and my God this road is curvy.
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We get to the house, unload and open a beer. There was talk of going to Atlanta tonight but there will be none of that shit. Doug and Jason show up later and we sit around rapping and drinking, we go out for a pizza later. Oh Saturday on the Skyway we hit a TN road block sobriety check point, and an NC road block where they were just checking for M’s and Insurance.

Sunday, 09/02/2007
Nothing much of note on this day, drove the gap in the truck saw a bunch of TN police dudes, and went shopping to stock up foodz for the house.

Monday, 09/03/2007
Since it was labor day, we decided to get the hell out of TN/NC and run to GA. Blood Mt was where we were headed. Actually it’s an amazing road, was still pretty busy due to being labor day, but other then that it was beautiful. Thanks to Gary for a heads up about it. Although we did miss picture opps. With one “Young Lick Knob” and “Smack Ass Gap”. I’ll never forgive Doug for that. Anyhow, Harv’s bike was busted so he rode two up with Doug and took a bunch of pictures.

Harv hoppin on.
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Jason and I getting geared up.
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The group.
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Group riding.
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Cheerio!
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Scooter duder.
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Going to SLAY THE DRAGON!!! I’m sure.
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Big wheelies.
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Ravyn(Jason)
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Bryan
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Blackaxis(Roger) too cool to look at the camera.
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Silver(Jason)
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Group
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Bryan, Doug, and Harvey stopped, I’m up ahead going “What are you people doing??”
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Bryan and I.
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Jason and Roger.
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Whooooooooooooooooo
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Coppers!
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This, is why you travel 14 hours just to ride.
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And this.
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And this
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Turners corner break.
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Some Ferrari the other guys were shitting their pants over. I don’t know cars.
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Harv and Roger.
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Blurry, but you can sort of make out the line behind us. We had a cop right behind us and Bryan’s speedo is off, so we ended up doing 35 in a 45 for like 7 miles or something. I think we had a line of cars behind us about ¼ of a mile long. It was awesome.
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More cop/line of cars. The few Harleys does not do it justice. I think I spent the last 2 miles laughing in my helmet about it.
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Bryan and I, whoa hey, turns.
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They have fishing up here to I guess.
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Coopers creek. As we roll up and park there is an 07 Ninja zx6 and a 07CBR600RR. The store owner comes to the door and lets us know that we just parked next to a couple of hot chicks bikes. This of course sent Ravyn into playa playa mode as we met the owners daughters who rode said bikes. I think his game went something like “Yeah, I can wheelie, WHOOOOOO” but I’m not sure.
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Group shot with the young lady that was victim to the gap casanova’s mac attack. Hey, she rides an 07 600RR though, so aside from the fact that she fell victim to Ravyns mac attack, at least in bikes she has good taste.
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The “Oh shit!” corner. Basically Ravyn passes Doug, comes into a corner way to hot. This sets off a chain reaction of “oh shit!” from all of us. Doug goes in to hot and is dragging peg with Harv on the back. I go in a bit to hot and keep it going, Bryan comes in a bit to hot and blows the corner out to the middle of the other lane. Whoa.
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Look through the turn.
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Ahh good day riding, now for beerz n pool.
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Horsepower ranch.
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Working on Harv’s bike. Water in the gas tank.
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For some reason they didn’t want Bryan and I smoking inside while there was gas cans and a gas tank open. Wimps.
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Hahn radiator guards!
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N8dog was a bit neurotic this year, pretty sure he was off his meds. Still a cool dog though.
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Group hanging out.
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Tuesday, 09/04/2007

Doug, Harvey, Jason, and Eric went to Ashville to sell a bike, Bryan and I stayed at the house to do various shit and decided to ride deals gap. Quick shot out there, up and down and back home. Nothing super notable, just a great road. Oh, but previously we saw a swing bridge, so while all the others were “OH LAFFO OKIE NEVER SEEN A BRIDGE” I decided I needed a picture with that swing bridge. Ok, well pictures and stuff….

Bryan at the new deals gap sign.
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Silver at the new deals gap sign.
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Deals gap? More like Deals Gut!! Version 2.0
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At the top.
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Bryan at the top.
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Silver at the top.
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SWING BRIDGE YAY!!!!!!
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Hanging on the swing bridge.
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Wednesday, 09/05/2007

We get up, hang out, eat breakfast and decide to roll the gap again. Before that a few run up the skyway a bit. This takes awhile when they said they would only be gone a bit. Bryan and I go look for em, and find them. Unscathed. This is the part where you ride the gap and go “Eh, rode it yesterday” and then pretty much scare the shit out of yourself most of the way up. I had more then a few corners that were “AHHHHHHH” pretty much most of the way through them. Once up at the top I told Bryan to go first because I was well on my way to putting the CBR in a bin. We ride back down and come back and meet up with another guy and his friend who want to go ride. Now, what was amazing about this guy is that everything was fag or faggot. Such as his “Faggot pipe” which was D&D, that he got with the bike when he bought it. Or his “Fag Bag” which was his tank bag that I guess everyone uses now. Oh and he was drunk. Good times. We end up riding with him and his buddy down 28 which was a really good road, and actually the “everything is a faggot” guy showed us a really good road after that as well. No pictures of riding really, except from killboy/us129photos websites, I’ll probably post those later. Lastly, if I start referring to everything as a fag, it’s all the other guys fault, because after that episode, everything was a faggot. Quote of the week “Fucking faggot tree” – Eric.

Rawr! Where are these people!
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Doug coming back from skyway before we run gap.
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Us at the top of the gap.
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Fag nerds
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Burger time!!!!
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Thursday, 11/06/2007

Picture day!!! Whooo!! Lot’s of pictures from today. Ton’s of good riding. Eric/Jason/Harv rode the gap again while Bryan, Doug and I stayed put. Later on we found a good corner on 28 and set up camp to take some pictures, we got some good shots I think.

Group shot at the sign.
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Group at CRoT
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Was thinking about putting up a TSR shirt, but one was already up there.
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Bryan and I.
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Jason Lollygaggin cross the street.
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Eric
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Jason
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Group
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Jason
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Silver
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Jason
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Bryan/Silver
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Bryan
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Silver
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Bryan/Silver/Eric
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Eric
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Bryan
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Silver, way to stick to the yellow line there fella
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Silver
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Bryan
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Jason sequence
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Eric
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Harvey
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Harvey
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Silver
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Silver/Harvey
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After pictures we ran up the Blue Ridge Parkway for a bit. Got to check out some tunnels which was neat. This picture is called tunnel gut, sweet Christ it looks like I’m smuggling a helmet or something.
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Then to celebrate our/my fatness, we ate at a “Big Boy” hell I had only seen these in movies, had to go there. After this on the way back the group was doing 55. I decided to hell with that, jacked it up to 70 and checked out for a bit. With a complementary fly by via Doug and Bryan. A bit later on down the road, yeah, whoops cop. I get pulled over and get let off with a warning. The group pulls in 5-10 minutes behind me thinking I was going to jail. Good times!
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Later that night, we celebrated with fireworks, beer, and fires.
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Lame, I know, but fun none the less.
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Big wheelies
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DRUNK NERD!
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Friday, 11/07/2007

Not really any pictures except from us129photos and killboy. Jason and Doug went out and hung out at the Blue Ridge, Eric went dirt riding with Dan, Bryan and I were going to go out 28 and go see this big ol 400 foot waterfall but the 28 bridge was closed. So we rolled the Gap again and started out on the foothills parkway where we found out Bryans bike was leaking. Was a good enough time to call it quits for the weekend, and we rolled back home and went and got some food. Later that night I took my bike up the cherahola for about 20 miles or so to trip to 9000 miles on the odometer.

Good times, great friends, an awesome week all around. Shout outs to ablank, Juan, and Dan who couldn’t make it this week, you guys were missed. Our last night there…
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Lost in AR, first 3 day motorcycle trip.

Day 1.

Arkansas ride around. I had planned for a 4 day trip that was going to span Beaver, AR Mt. View, AR Hot springs, AR and end back up in Tulsa. Sometimes things don’t go as planned, which in fact is the reason why I try to never really plan anything. The only thing I had really planned on this trip were the routes, which you’ll see, change of course. In part due to getting lost, and in part just because I felt like it.

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Friday was hosed as I had to work. Sat, left about 10AM and set out altering the route to skip Beaver and head straight to Mt. View. Well, I didn’t make it to Mt. View. Sat route…

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I got through Fayetteville about 12:00PM and decided to eat lunch. Want to know how to sell your bbq restaurant? Make sure that people can smell the bbq roughly a quarter of a mile away, I literally smelled this place before I even saw where it was at. Penguin Ed’s.

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The way you have to order is to pick up the red phone and press a button. Then you sit there looking like an asshole for roughly 2 minutes waiting on them to pick up while thinking about how many germs was on this particular hand piece and if your ear is going to get all funked about or something.

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End all be all the food was as good as it smelled ¼ mile away, I will go back to Penguin Ed’s for sure.

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On the route, I changed it up a bit as technology failed me, all I had was my paper map and some pictures of google maps loaded up in my phone, well somehow my phone decided that those pictures didn’t need to be there and deleted the map pix. Ah well, reroute time and on the Rand McNally map, 74 rolls all the way to Mt. View, ok well then I’ll just stay on that. Way way out in the middle of no where, I saw a sign it was something about 11 miles steep and twisty trucks plz only go 10mph or something. Decided I definitely needed a picture of it and pulled off into a brake check point and turned around, after passing the sign I was going for another turn around and while going up hill a little to much clutch and not enough gas led to me killing it, then as I was going to put my foot down it gets stuck on the peg, by the time I got it off the peg I was at the point of no return and for the first time(probably not the last) I set my CBR down on it’s side. The following was damaged.

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Well crap. Ok time for a break. Oh and I got the picture of the sign, but if you look in the first picture you’ll see a handy setup of a disposable camera on my tankbag held ever so securely, or not, the picture of the sign that made me drop my bike is on that camera, which is no longer, more about that later. Also when I say way way out in the middle of no where, I meant it, there was NO sound other then wind and birds. It was actually pretty amazing, just hanging out, taking a break and cussing about dropping the bike then realizing “Hey, what is that I’m hearing?” nothing, nothing is exactly what you’re hearing. No cars, no sirens, no people, nothing.

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Onward and upward to Jasper, AR. En route was some excellent riding on 74 some long sweepers and my favorites some 20mph switchbacks. Arrived in Jasper and had some cruiser guys come up and tell me that if I was going down 7 there were cops everywhere and one showed me his ticket that he just got. 90 in a 65, got popped right after passing someone. Definite bummer, but thanks for the heads up, I’ll be heading out 74. We sit around and talk for awhile about different roads and whatnot, I maintain that it’s a beautiful thing that motorcyclists can pretty much come up to another motorcyclist that they don’t know and within minutes become buddies, discussing different routes, which roads are cool, which ones suck, it’s just natural, and it’s awesome.

Saying later to my cruiser buddies I head out 74 which has mellowed out a bit, I pass through Mt. Judea and see 123, I’ll catch you later Mr. 123 I’m going to Mt. View!!! 15 miles later, 74 turns into a dirt road. I check the map, wtf Mr. McNally??? Map didn’t show that crap. This is where things go a bit wonked, as I cruise back and hit up 123. The only thing I can really say about 123 is “Whoa”. I mean really, it’s just amazing and twisty and smooth and and and !!!!!!! I can’t really say enough about it. Probably my favorite stretch of road on this trip. While getting to the end of 123, my fuel gauge is flashing me and telling me that I’m about to run out of gas. I get on highway 7 and blaze about 3 miles to find a gas station that’s been closed for about 2 years. Damnit. The bicycle guys there tell me that back the way I came was another gas station about 5 miles.

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Who-da-thought-it gift shop. All 87 octane all the time. I ended up getting some gas as well as getting some valuable information. Mt. View was dry county. Mt. Home was a wet county. They were both about the same distance. Decision time!! It was easy really, I wanted a beer. So that’s how the big ol loop occurred in the map above, picture of how I worked it out in my head.

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I head back up 7, taking time to wave at one of the officers radaring and get to Harrison for a quick break. Apparently I was missing all the rain, there was rain to the south and rain and hail to the east which is where I was headed. I was behind it all though and road some wet roads and got sprinkled on a bit but missed the worst of it. 7 is pretty picturesque, I got some pretty damn good shots on the disposable. Oh and I suck at timer portraits with the digital.

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At Harrison I decided to head to Summit or Yellville in which I ended up at some outdoor function thing they were having that night, I should have shot some pictures and probably did with the disposable, but mostly I was interested in setting up lodging. Found a good spot that was cheap clean and ended up having Dutch and Jay staying right next to me. 2 other motorcyclists from TX, Dutch on a VFR and Jay on a Bandit 1200. How cool is that, I say hi and unload my stuff as it was time to go get beer. Cortech tail bags, will they hold a case of beer and a bag of ice? Yes, yes they will.

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The cashier was skeptical when I bought a case and bag of ice if it would fit or not, she was very helpful and advised that any that would not fit she would gladly take home with her. Much to her chagrin they all fit, I gave her a beer though anyway, just because.

Back to the motel for sitting around drinking beer and talking motorcycles roads and all that stuff. Again it’s great how you can just stop into a motel see some bikers and within minutes you’re talking as if you’re old friends. Which roads, previous trips, future trips, all that jazz. It was great. We sat around till about 10 or 11 then locked up the bikes and went to bed.

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Day 1. 370+ miles, got lost, almost ran out of gas, dropped my bike, got sprinkled on, and road a ton of twisty roads. Good times!!!!

Day 2.

Motel with just blinds, no curtains to keep the sun from waking me up at 6am. Oof, I get up and check it out while grumbling and going back to bed, it’s still pretty bright and I end up saying ‘screw it’ and getting up and about at 7:30am. I am not well rested.

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The back yard has a nice view for sure. Around 9:30 or so Dutch and Jay are up and we’re gearing up lubing the chain and fixing to head to breakfast. Today is their last day in AR and they are heading back. No pictures of breakfast, sorry but eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, and toast would have to be pretty damn amazing for me to be arsed to take a picture of them. During breakfast we break out maps and talk roads, I tell them of 215 and 103, and they advise on some good roads up by Eureka that I haven’t been on. Pretty much maps all over the place with us all going “Yep been here, oh this is where it turns to dirt, oh yeah that one sucks, oh man that one is excellent”.

We finish up and say goodbye, I grab Dutch’s email and they head west, while I head east. I didn’t take any pictures of them, so like Boomhowers grandfather “the babbler” that I met in Salina, and the Drunk cowboy on a horse that I met on the turn pike, you’ll just have to decide for yourselves if they are real or not. Onward and upward, I decide to take today really mellow, no rush, just hanging out, I’m staying at the same motel tonight so I’m all good. For a bit I debated about heading somewhere else, but I decided that eh, the hotel is cheap, I’m already unpacked, and I’m in the middle of some kick ass roads, might as well hang out.

Today I’m down 14 and back up Push mountain road. The following map shows every where I went, but 14/push is the first part.

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On my way out, I feel something bump against my leg. It was my disposable camera bailing out on me. Damnit!! I turn around and head back and don’t see it. Shit. I turn around again and ride on the shoulder, till I find the useless shell that used to be my handy dandy take a picture while riding disposable camera. It was trashed, film spilled out of it and cooking in the sun. I went ahead and saved the back of it. Just because.

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14 is ok, bunch of long sweepers. Push mountain road is AMAZING. Ton’s of nice 20-30 mph cautionary turns just zig zaggin everywhere for miles!!! Needless to say my mind was blown. It was crazy awesome amazing. Then it turns into a little more mellow sweepers and crappy road surface, but before that right after going through a ton of great turns, there’s a huge hill that you come down. I put it in neutral, took my hands off the bars and just coasted down it, nothing but the wind in my earplugs and just bliss of having ridden a great road while coasting at 50mph. I really really liked push mountain road.

To many turns to actually think about taking pictures, today I just road. After Mt. Home I was heading back to the motel to take a nap. Hey I’m on vacation I can do whatever I want. Definitely stopping to eat first, found a nice little joint in Gassville, burger and fries it is!

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After that naptime, then I was going to hit 125. I went to 125, just like it said on the map, and followed 125 hoping the ferry wasn’t closed and that I could ride 125 up into MO. I then somehow ended back up at a 412 junction. What the fuck. I make a mental note to send an email to Rand McNally about letting people make maps while drunk and high. Eh piss on it, not going to find the end of 125 today. So screw it. I went back to Gassville and headed up to Bull Shoals lake. Just putting around and taking in the scenery really. Bull Shoals is awesome and next time I come up hopefully I’ll be camping up here.

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They also have the nicest visitor center I have ever been to.

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Lmao old guy self portrait.

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The damn dam.

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White river was super cool too. Very mellow.

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And whoa so clear. Next time I’m bringing my suit and snorkel/mask.

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What’s this water bubbling up out of the ground stuff?? Very odd site to this Oklahoma guy.

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28.9 MILLION GALLONS PER DAY?? WOW. I was very impressed.

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I ate in Bull Shoals that evening, for some reason pork chops sounded like just the thing. Why do they always serve applesauce with pork chops? Eh, they were very good though.

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Back at the motel, ready to call it a night. It’s much less busy tonight then it was last night. Pretty much just me, my bike, and my book. Very good times, nice day. Amazing roads, good nap, good eats.

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Day 2, 180ish miles.

Day 3.

Well, if I had the money I would probably just ride around as much as I could all the time going everywhere, but I don’t and I have to get back and go back to work to pay the bills and all that good stuff. Time to go. The trips not over though, as when my wife asked me “So how many miles is it to get back?” I replied with “As many as I want it to be”.

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Started out on main roads, but that was soon to be done with as the route off 65 to Fayetteville was twisty twisty. Also yesterday when I hit 6k on the odometer I was like whooo and punched it up to 120, as well as did my first intentional wheelie which was all of an inch high, but hey it was a milestone for me in any case. Brap brap

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Also if you think the previous statements were hooliganism, today was all about breaking the law, OI! On my way down the more wide open sweeper part of 123 I passed a few cars on double yellows because they weren’t going near the pace I wanted to go. Finally I get around a truck that’s just trumbling along and come to Mt. Judea and get to 123, oh hey lets stop and take a picture of the sign and stuff. Then the truck I passed repasses me and turns down 123??? WHAT THE FUCK READ THE SIGN YOU SHITHEAD THE PART WHERE IT SAYS “NO THROUGH TRUCKS”!!! I took a break to let him get way way ahead.

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123 again, is amazing. Super twisty and just all around great riding, very good pavement. The two top roads my whole time where 123 and Push mountain. Great stuff! Of course I was to busy riding to take any more pictures till I got further down 123. Looking back…

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Looking forward…

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Road 123 pretty much till it ended. Some good sections, some ok sections, nothing as good as the part up by Mt. Judea. Had to superslab it a bit to get to Clarksville, lot’s of “villes” in this state. As you can tell, diet went out the window on this trip, I ate whatever I felt like.

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From Clarksville I went up 103 a road I had been up before and enjoyed. Nice switchbacks and just good times. Coming around a switch back and oh shit…

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Guess they’re getting ready to widen it. Hopefully repave as well, while not terrible it could use some tlc. I get through 103 and roll through Oark and head back out 215. Remember that solitude I was telling you about on 74? Well you can find it on 215 as well. Middle of no where AR…

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It must be work on roads in the middle of AR day or something.

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The guy with the chain saw was like “Can you do a wheelie??” I had to shake my head no as I can’t and I wouldn’t while rolling over the dirt of all those trees being drug off anyway. He says, well when you think you can make it go for it. I had to off road a bit over some dirt and was then stuck with this big thing dragging trees behind it, the guy saw me though and waved me through to which I busted out a HUGE wheelie. Oh wait no I didn’t I just passed him and waved.

Riding down 215 it gets super nice, nice wide sweepers with some tighter turns thrown into the mix. Last time I was through this road going the opposite direction and one turn is this super long right hander to a really tight left hander, I came into the left hander hot and was all “OH SHIT” but it was fun. The opposite way it’s a tight right hander to long left hand sweeper. Tight right was fun but not shitting my pants, then get all leaned over and blazing through the left hander and about ¾ of the way through it here comes big ol pardner in a truck. Now this wasn’t really that scary but as it was I was closer to the yellow then I needed to be and had to adjust my line mid turn cutting it closer to the white line and sqeebing between big ass truck on one side and HUGE rock wall on the other all at speed. Definitely came out of that one going “whew”.

By this point I was beat, tired, needed a break, had a coke in my tankbag that was probably hot. Then I turned onto 23. Wow. I had been down this part once before but behind a truck that was doing 30mph through the whole thing. All thoughts of taking a break flew the coop soon as I started hitting the twists. Ah it was awesome, just brapple appleing through 23, passing on double yellows when I had to and just generally haulin balls. Was fucking awesome. Took a break once I hit 16, good times!

Cruised 16 to Fayetteville, at which point I decided to take a gamble. It was time for tacos from some small Mexican joint. Taco hut or something. The gamble was if these taco’s were going to give me the blazing shits I was still 90 miles away from home and would be racing the shits home. Luckily, they were good and didn’t make a turd till today. Still at the time I was wondering, if these are like some taco shacks, I’m going to be racing the squirts home for about 60 miles or so. OI!

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After eating and getting gas, and not developing gas from the Taco’s I made my way out 16 again and time for more hooligan antics. To the tune of a burst on a straight to 139 which is a new best for me, as well as passing on double yellow to the tune squeezing myself in between a car and a truck that were going to slow, then passing the truck on the next short straight to send myself blazing into a corner pretty damn hot, turn and burn through the corner going “AHHHHHHHHHHH” through it and pop out the other end to crank it up to about 120 or so till the next turn. I was just thinking “Man I hope that looked cool”.

Cruising through Siloam Springs I see a BMW dual sport on the side of the road, with… A trailer? I stopped off to meet V8 Turbo from the ADVrider.com boards and talk with him. His alternator fizzled on his 07 BMW right at the state line. I guess the BMW knew that OK only had straight roads and just didn’t want to go. Hope you got it fixed today Mark.

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Then I got on the turnpike, yes the pike I was tired and didn’t want to do 2 lane roads so I could hit the 7ish or so turns on scenic 412. Cracked it up to 90 and just rolled home.

Fun times, met some great people, rode some great roads. Now to just figure out how I could do this full time all the time. It was a wonderful trip and I can’t wait to do it again.

Cheers!!

Day 3: 309 miles.
Total driveway to driveway: 832.8

 

433.2 miles. Tulsa to Oark to Tulsa.

Sometimes ventures start with a picture. In this case it was a picture in a thread a friend(Gary) of mine and I have been watching on advrider.com, it’s mostly pictures of Arkansas and various things in Arkansas. In this picture was a general store in the town of Oark, AR, it was rumored to have good food and some great riding to get there and back. Thus on that picture and the good word of some internet people that have been there Gary and I decided to go see if the rumors were true.

Thus started the planning of “Oh hey, this Saturday what are we doing? Whoa yeah that store in AR? Ok sounds good. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN LEAVE AT 8 IN THE MORNING!? That sucks. Fine, 8 then, I’m pretty sure I don’t like you anymore”. Yeah I wasn’t totally pleased with the 8am meeting time. As Gary and our two others that joined us Sam and Jim found out, I tend to bitch a lot. Eh, it’s just what I do ya know.

Now I met this ride with a bit of morbidness in all actuality. I think that was due to Sam on Thursday talking about how our company would be hosed if we all wrecked and died this weekend(Sam, Gary, and I work together). Yeah thanks for the good thoughts Sam. As well as Gary deciding to scour the internet for wreck movies as well as stories of target fixation that same day and linking me to them. Needless to say for some reason I was starting out the ride in gloom and doom mode. Honestly.

8am, it’s early, I haven’t had any coffee. I roll into QT grab gas and cruise over to my friends, with Sam going “You’re late” I can’t recall exactly, but I’m sure that comment was met with more then a few comments that contained vulgar words, maybe even a vulgar expression or two. We gas up, rap a bit, and hit the road.

Meanwhile I’m in deep thought mostly about wrecking and dying or something. It was weird. The thing about it though was that I did not have that *gut* feeling that you get sometimes. I was just thinking about it. Probably to much, but alas, still it was running through my brain. Now the gut feeling is something that I try to adhere to as much as I can. If you get out on the road going for a ride and feel like you are out of place, or should not be on the road, or just have that gut feeling that you should not be riding at this time. GO HOME. Because you more then likely shouldn’t be riding. I have gone out on days sometimes that I get out on 244 and I’m heading out to go ride, but it just doesn’t feel right. I’m off, that *gut* feeling gets in the way. I turn around and head back to the house. Today wasn’t like that though, I was thinking about it all, but I didn’t have that feeling. Enough about that, I’ll abbreviate the ride some as the pictures I have are mostly Oark.

Stop 1: Quick pee break because we all drank water/coke or something at QT and didn’t pee before we left. Actually, we = Jim and myself.

Stop 2: We have done 51 and I have now seen the “trail of tears”, that’s a new one for me so chalk it up. I ask Gary if he doesn’t have enough HP to pass cars and not pack us up(bitching) as it seemed that in passing cars, which normally I hit 95/100 or so, he was passing and parking it. At this point, Jim has left his turn signal on for about 10 miles out of the 100 that we have ridden.

Stop 3: We get gas, we were going to a KTM shop that was in Fayetteville but we have passed through Fayetteville and are in another town. Route change and we’re running to 412 and down 23. 23, pig trail, another new one for me. Was very fun but didn’t get really twisty till we were almost to our turn off for Oark. Also it didn’t help that we had some guy in a pickup in front of us burning up his brakes trying to keep us from passing. The typical speed way up in the straights and toss out an anchor in the corners type guy.

Stop 4: 215. Wow. Very very smooth road. My pucker moment on this road was from a looooooooooooonnnnnnng right hand U sweeper that I accelerated out of to find a quick switchback into a TIGHT left hand turn. Little bit of brakes then you flop your bike on it’s side maintain throttle and “GOOD LORD THIS CORNER IS TIGHT” type moment. Was a great corner! Now we get some pictures from 215.

The bikes Sam/Jim.
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The view from the top.
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The turns to get where we were.
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The crew +1 harley guy.
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Sam is looking for bears or rattlesnakes I think.
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Jim ready to go.
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Quick Photo stop.

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Where we were.
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This particular road, fixing to be repaved by blacktop(that’s further on) turns to gravel for about 1500 feet or so. At this point in time(200miles) Jim has had his turn signal on for at least 40 of it.
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It also has a one lane bridge that takes you from the dirt back to something kinda sorta resembling concrete or asphalt. It’s supposed to be widened soon.
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Ahhhh, the Oark, AR general store/gas station/restaurant. Take it or leave it.
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I have to say that Oark is an amazingly welcoming town, very small and very cool. I went outside after we ordered to smoke and there was some big red dog laying on the bench. I was “Hey, sup dog, gonna chill with you on the bench for a bit” I don’t think he cared. He bailed out a few seconds after I sat down patrolled the perimeter and came back for some petting to which I obliged. Good dog all around. Then as I was sitting a couple of locals came up and were asking about the bikes, which one was mine and whatnot. We rapped and I got information on the river as well as the various roads we were going to ride. Very cool dudes all around.

Ok, know you guys have been waiting for the food posts. My bacon cheeseburger and fries.
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Gary’s catfish platter. I was plotting to steal a hushpuppie as they looked awesome, but forgot to.
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The previous owner and the new owner came over to talk to us and give us information about the place. The Oark General store was built in 1870, it’s been around a hell of a long time. They have canoeing, camping, rentals, some air coaster thing that has a big fan and a parachute on it to which Sam was like “NOWAY” but I was more of a “That’s gotta be cool”. The school house for Oark is noted as the most isolated school in AR. Also they said the population is like.. I think they said 27?? Anyhow the ones that live across the river sometimes get flooded and blocked in, so the general store owners have to go out and tie their smokes to a rock and throw them across the flooding river. No I don’t think they were joking. The road is going to be repaved and the 1 lane bridge is going to be widened as well. Also we learned the local wave. To find out what it is, I guess you’re going to have to go there. We’re now in the know though.

Oark General store.
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We were also told of this huge suspension bridge. I figured it would be super long or something. It wasn’t. I was unimpressed and I’m sure I bitched about it some.
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On the way back, 103 has some crazy stupid 15mph cautionary switchbacks. I mean go to the apex put out your kickstand do the pick the bike up on the kick stand and turn it so you’re going the right way stuff.

2 parts, not going to put them together cuz I’m lazy.
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After 103 it was I-40 superslab time. About 60 miles of this and back to rural roads that Gary knows as his dad has a place out here. Gary took us on some different back roads that ended up at this bridge. Which was right smack dab in the middle of no where.
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That’s the last picture I have, camera ran out of memory. Anyhow the rest is pretty much here or there, 51/onto the BA and whatnot. I had a great time, and don’t fret, Gary and Sam also took pictures and will be posting them possibly tomorrow or Monday or something. Overall was a great ride. Roughly 12 hours on the road, we obviously weren’t in any hurry. Thanks Gary for the route and various excursions. Thanks Jim for coming and having your turn signal blinking(forgotten) more then I do because normally I’m the one doing that. Thanks Sam for rolling with us as well, always a good time Bro.

Sam’s pix…

Sam.
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ME!!!
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Parking at the general store.
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Me but I don’t know what the fuck.
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Yay! Suspension bridge!
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I’m dicking with my camera, and Sam is a photo whore.
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Day ride. 02-27-2007

I have been watching the weather for the past month just waiting for a nice 70 degree day. Earlier this week was nice as well but my work week is normally busiest at the first of the week, so I stalled out for today. Woke up, drank coffee, took a shower, and rolled out. Pretty good flow of traffic, except for a merge right before 161st on I-44, that backed it up a bit. After that, smooth sailing, until scenic 412 that is.

Scenic 412.
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The gateway to the twisties really. You’ll probably use this road if you’re going to AR or MO. Nice couple of turns before Locust Grove, then head up through Sallisaw to Spavinaw for some even better curves. Through “new road” to Jay, then on a long ride, probably up through 20 into MO to ride highway 90. Today there was a slight hickup in my smooth sailing. It’s called wide load.

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Some huge railway system stuff or something. Took up most of both lanes and no traffic could go through.

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Oh and bonus, while we were waiting another wide load rolled up. Good thing they didn’t meet in the middle, as I doubt either one of these guys would have been able to back up.

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HERE SHE COMES BOYS!!! No rush though, still took like 5 minutes for it to even get to us.

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How many axles does that thing need????? Also it backed up traffic something fierce.

OK, onward an upward through Locust grove and Sallisaw to Spavinaw. Roads right now in Spav are pretty clean. Lots of road kill out and about though, so definitely watch for that, as well as lots of tree damage, but most of that is off on the sides. Fun times.

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It wouldn’t be an Oklahoma road sign if it didn’t have bullet holes. This is the famed Spavinaw horseshoe. A long right that is decreasing radius. Watch for it if you’re cruising through Spav and take this one kinda slow.

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The Pit Stop. Now closed but used to be a nice little place to stop off for a break. I still want to find out if it’s for sale and open it up again.

Onward and upward. I didn’t get any shots of new road, not really anything on it but turns and chicken farms. Cruised through new road to Jay, decided to get some eats. I am normally of the mind to find someplace local and different. I missed out and went the wrong way. Finally after not seeing anything that looked good, I turned around and had a quick bite at Mcdonalds. Doh, rolled out and went up to get on highway 127 and just a half mile away there was a little bbq shack. I missed out.

Onward and upward, went to go check out highway 127. FYI it’s trashed.

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Yay for twisties!!

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WHOO HOOO, even tighter twisties, but in the middle of these twisties…

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Whoa, something in the MIDDLE of the road. No fun.

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Oh, a big pile of hay and shit in the road, this is always fun to exit a corner into.

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Mind your entry speed. Oh and watch for rocks!

At the end of 127 the stop sign before new road is full of sand. I was doing the flintstone shuffle to get it stopped without locking anything up. I’m sure the guy in the car at the stop sign thought I was a freak! I ran new road, turned around, ran new road again, stopped in Jay at the gas station filled up and went BACK through new road and back through Spavinaw stopping in Salina. Good times but the traffic had definitely picked up from this morning. I went through this morning without having to pass any cars. The afternoon I passed a goldwing, and probably 4 cars or so.

I stopped in Salina for a coke and a brief break. If you have ever watched that show over the hill, the one with boomhower or whatever. I met his his grandfather in Salina. Was going to get a coke and the guy was “ble de me hoom sha hey what?” to which I replied “Yeup”. He wanted to shake my hand and show me his glasses as well. Good times. I pay for my coke head out the door. He comes out a bit later as I am smoking, goes at it again. “behend de da boop shmeee sorta n kinda well boop dat boop whoo” I mostly just nodded. Then 2 cop cars come flying through lights and sirens blazing. He advises me that there’s a fire. Sure enough a fire truck comes blazing through just a couple of minutes later. Good call dude.

I was headed home, but what the hell. Cop cars? Fire engines? Gotta be something cool. I gear up and roll back through Spavinaw but never find them nor see any smoke or actually anything cool really. Just turns. I round out the day at blue hole, and turn around and go back through Spav. Taking time to Rev it a bit at a Mom/Daughter who were waving at me. Roll back home, meet up with Sam_Rush and head to K&N. Total miles 239.

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:up

Oh and lastly, you can tell everyone is super pumped to get out and ride, as EVERYONE on a bike waved. Eh cept for one Harley guy and one Goldwing guy.